It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
