My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
