My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
