I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
