Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
