i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
