as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
