oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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