Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
