you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
