If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
