Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
