my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
