The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
