I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
