I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
