he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
