It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
