You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
