I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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