new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
