I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
