i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
