do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
