Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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