Umm I'm too high to move.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
