Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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