I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
