How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
