I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
