Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
