I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
