dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
