apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
