It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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