U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Randomize
