If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
