nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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