Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
