Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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