Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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