Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
