I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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