I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
