I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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