mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Someone came in the potted fern
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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