make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
