my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
