I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
