I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
