you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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