I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
