Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
