You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
