i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
