I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
